do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
