You're my little dorito
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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