the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
