dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
