I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
