the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
