ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
