You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
