I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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