How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
