Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
