you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
