You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
