This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
