Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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