Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Randomize
