I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
