I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
