I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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