Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
