shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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