plz talk dirty to me
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
