i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
