it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
