I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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