well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
