ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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