is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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