and next time when you feel me up, do it right
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You took a bar mat shot.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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