thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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