I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
he's gonorrhea incarnate
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Randomize
