and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
