i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I am midnight drunk by noon
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize