Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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