yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
