so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
