my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
