he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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