Say something about gay babies.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize