You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
