Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize