I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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