She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
