i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
