3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
