that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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