Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
