they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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