My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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