Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
