She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
