She's JV to your varsity
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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