You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
