I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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