that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize