The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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