At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
