I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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