I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
