Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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