the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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