Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
