I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize