Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
