I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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