yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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